THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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