Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
