there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
