I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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