it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
