Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
