ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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