Sry I called you an 8
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize