If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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