I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
