what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
