am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
