OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
