That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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