her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
