I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize