After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize