so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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