I must be too annoying 4 u.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
