I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
