Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
