he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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