Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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