i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
