Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
