I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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