Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
