the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
