I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
