Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
