i don't like sucking hair
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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