I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
FUCK WHALES
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
