My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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