I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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