Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
