We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
