I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
