I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
