her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
