I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
