So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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