Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
