Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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