he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
