Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
