just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
