why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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