peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
