Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
