if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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