It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
