it hurts more in the daytime
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
