What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
