hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's the barista slut.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
