LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
