please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
