How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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