its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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