In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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