I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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