He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
