On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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