Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
