where am i from again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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