just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
