college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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