Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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