Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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