Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
