I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
